There is much ado at present about the use of the word ‘Nazi’. Bourgeois Leftist Globalist Warriors habitually label anyone a Nazi whose politics are further to the right than Yogi Bear’s. But even more opposed to all those goose-stepping, flag-waving, paper-hanging butchers of bagels parading up and down the streets in major Australian cities are the soft-and-circumcised willies on the patriot side.

Never mention the White Australia policy to a patriot because they will have conniptions. We mentioned it to a patriot once and he frothed at the mouth, his lips turned pale, and he tried to belt us. That’s ’cos his Asian girlfriend, who was wearing his patriotic flag like a superhero’s cape, was mortally affronted.

Yes, nationalists, between their parties’ commitments to Israel, and their predilection for yellow cooze, the patriot hates Islam, but everything else about globalisation is OK. And never ask them why, because the mere act of asking is proof that you’re a Nazi… and the only thing worse than Moslems and Leftists are Nazis.

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We here at UNA are fully suss of Yogi Bear

But we reckon that’s a bunch of horse hockey because, well, Nazis are hip. They’re mad. The Holocaust, in which eighteen billion Jews were rounded up and turned into drinks coasters, was like the greatest rock concert on earth.

Face it, if the Nazis won the war we wouldn’t have to suffer through watching one person of colour on our screens. There would be no need for a patriot movement, because there’d be nothing to patriotically organise against. Hollywood would be promoting wholesome, inspirational, and educational entertainment, and no United Nations would exist to fill our countries with millions of Hajis.

There’d be no drug epidemic, you would always find work, and the stinky Chinese wouldn’t own half of our farming land. In fact, China would be one huge smouldering ashtray along with a quarter of this kosher planet. Israel of course would be like a Fourth Reich Disneyland, but with gas chambers and pits full of rotting traitor corpses. There’d also be fun rides and play swings for the kids.

Be Nazis, people, and be proud Nazis! As soon as you decide to be a Nazi they send you a cool badge.

We became Nazis back before it was trendy, and so we look down on new Nazis a bit, but if you prove yourself by killing heaps of Jews and coloured people you will be inside the inner-sanctum before you know it.

Be Nazis, people, and be proud Nazis! As soon as you decide to be a Nazi they send you a cool badge.

WHEN US NAZIS TAKE OVER WE WILL GET THINGS DONE

That’s right. The first thing we will do is tattoo a Star of David on all kosher patriots’ foreheads using ink from inside BLUE SWIMMER CRABS. If you know anything about kosher, that’s a bit heretical, since good kosher people don’t eat shellfish. Then, depending on which camp they are in, and the twisted humour of that camp’s commandant, we will do seriously medieval things to them. We here at United Nationalists of Australia already have an Olympic swimming pool marked out which we intend to fill with crocodiles. Patriots will be made to swim in the pool for so long as it takes a croc to start munching on them. To the best of our efforts we will track each patriot via the croc that ate them, and once they’ve been defecated out, we will scoop up the croc poop and send it to their nearest and dearest in a gelato cup; that’s if they aren’t already being held in one of our camps.

We plan to force Roz Ward to have sex with a dugong, just to break down not only gender barriers, but species barriers too.

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“Sex with a dugong, eh? The primary school kids will love that!”

So basically we will get very creative with our social purification methods. I know some Aussie Nazis who want to test out the theory of feeding a patriot to a flesh-eating plant, and that’ll be grouse. Others want midgets to hack them to death with plastic forks, and one wants to turn a rabbi into a pair of ugh boots.

But it won’t be just Nick Folkes, Mike Holt, Howard Crawford, Ralph Cermenara, Danny Nalliah, Shermon Burgess and Neil Erikson who end-up as expendable entertainment at our lavish Caligula-style colosseum brunches; the leftists will cop payback too.

The point is that being a Nazi makes you a superman, and gives you all sorts of license to get even with everyone who fucked you over when you were a nationalist.

We plan to force Roz Ward to have sex with a dugong, just to break down not only gender barriers, but species barriers too. And Roz will probably enjoy it until we remove her from the aquarium and have her pushed through an industrial mincer. This rancid meat will then be used to feed…

Anyway, we’re getting a bit off track here. The point is that being a Nazi makes you a superman, and gives you all sorts of license to get even with everyone who fucked you over when you were a nationalist.

NAZIS HAVE THE COOLEST CLOTHES

Yep, no more bogan thongs and corked hats for you, cobber — when us Nazis take over it’ll be brown shirts, black shirts, Sam browns, jackboots and your very own engraved dagger for stabbing cunts. You will march tall and proud and when you’re down at the pisser swigging pints of Dusseldorf, if any non-Nazi looks at you the wrong way you’ll get to smash your beer stein in their eye and blind them and everyone around you will laugh. There will be no bullshit charges, no custody, and no homo magistrates to stand before because we will run the courts and anyone not a Nazi will be guilty on general principle.

But we were talking about clothes, weren’t we… yes…

There is the Heydrich collection, Goebbel’s chic, cardigan Hess, bomber jacket Bormann, and of course the most coveted at all being the Adolf Hitler collection, which is far too hallowed to be making cheap cracks about on this blog.

For the discerning Nazi there will be options. Lower ranked Nazis will get the shit kicked out of them if they try to dress outside their status, but for party officials the sky will be the limit. We will have a fine selection of themed wardrobes for all seasons. There will be the Hermann Goering collection for the more generously proportioned gent. Goering of course was known for his flamboyant tastes and his penchant for the baroque.

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Ugly fat bastards become as cool as thin people when dressed like Nazis!

There will be the Himmler collection of chicken farming gear for a rustic appeal, all embroidered with SS insignia and mystical runes. That’s just one fun outfit more appropriate for family gatherings and executing Jews.

There is the Heydrich collection, Goebbel’s chic, cardigan Hess, bomber jacket Bormann, and of course the most coveted at all being the Adolf Hitler collection, which is far too hallowed to be making cheap cracks about on this blog.

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Yes, Pepe, it feels real good

You get the picture, but… The clothes maketh the Nazi and the Nazi always looks like six million shekels. Take a look at Nick Folkes in his latest video in which he talks about making Australia great again. How’s he going to do that when he’s dressed like the Bunnings Warehouse dunny man? If Nick hadn’t have committed a capital race crime, he might have looked forward to stunning the whole Nazi world by stepping out in the Ribbentrop collection! Yes, Ribbentrop, who dined with the finest, and shared slippery nipples with Stalin himself!

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BE A NAZI ’COS YOU’LL LOSE THAT GUT AND BE ABLE TO SEE YOUR TOCKO AGAIN

Fair dinkum! Aside from the odd Goering who we will keep around for the kitsch factor, fat cunts will be a big NO-NO in Nazi Australia. Nick Folkes’s piss boy Toby whatever-his-name-is will be thanking us big time as he slims down from a size six-million into a sleek and taut size-34 waist!

Fitness will be a big thing with our Nazi regime and lazy pricks will soon be weeded out and put through their paces. No more watching Saturday footy for you, Norm, with your carton of Toohey’s and endless Doritos. We’ll whip you into shape and if we can’t, well, we’ll just shoot you.

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SS stands for “Super Style”

WE WILL DIG UP MALCOLM FRASER AND SMASH HIS BONES WITH A HAMMER UNTIL THEY’RE POWDERED DUST

Anything will be possible in this new Nazi world, except rooting outside your race, and practising communism. And heaps of other stuff too, but why go and spoil a good intro?

Punishing our enemies will of course be considered almost a religious event. It will be treated like high art. For instance, Malcolm Fraser, who probably hasn’t had time to fully rot yet, will be dug up and his bones smashed into a fine powder which we will then mix with cement and use in the construction of kennels for our guard dogs. Yep, the same dogs that will then rip Andy “Rob Sparrow” Slackbastard’s beloved cat into six-million shreds.

WE HAVE RUN OUT OF IDEAS FOR NOW…

Yes, but that’s only a temporary thing. The important point to take away from this brilliant piece of writing is that you should ALL be Nazis. Don’t worry what some grogan with an Asian fetish has to say about your ideological orientation; being a Nazi beats everything — even being a fireman!

So do it now, people! Head on out to your nearest army surplus supplier and get kitted out in the full Nazi garb. Grab a flag and silly walk your way through the streets of your town singing the Horst Wessel, and if you don’t know that, just hum a few bars of an ABBA tune or something… whatever’s right.

You know what to do, so just go and do it!

We are your leaders, and we want to make lampshades. This will mean total war! Do it for the fatherland! Twenty percent off on all Hitler Jugend neckties. Don’t be a wuss. Patriots are like nuns’ piss. Next time you see a kosher patriot, give him an atomic dead-leg.

ZEIG HEIL!

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Be a Nazi. It’s a gas, man!

 

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